So, I woke up in the middle of the night; i.e now, and messaged some changes about the project code to my friend. Can you believe Linus crashed!!? No, seriously!
Anyway, so after I did. I tried catching some sleep, (I'm writing all this in past tense so its easier for me, even though all this happened as I'm typing.) but couldn't. And being the boy crazy soul that I am, I thought I'd "day"-dream myself to sleep. This is how that went:
if((i==nice hair) || (i==nice abs))...
OH MY GOD!!!
NEEDING..LIFE...IMMEDIATELY!
This is so not me! I mean, I love being a wannabe nerd and all, but I can't dream like this! This is just so uncool.
:( :( :(
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Monday, May 4, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
ABSOLUTE RIDICULOUSNESS. NO, REALLY.
This will be a slightly long post. But don't skip, it is MOST entertaining. I vouch for it!
Small thinking exercise. Multiply the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen or read about by, hmmm, lets say, ten thousand, and you get this.
*what rubbish, nothing can be as bad as Lallu Prasad Yadav, or even Pramod Mutalik for that matter*
Read on.
*for reasons (mainly, my own education), I shall not mention the name of the college in mention*
Actually lets have some fun and call it, OMGIT -Oh my God - Institute of Tech.
A brief introduction.
Recently, in a famous Bangalore newspaper, there was a news article about OMGIT. I study in OMGIT. OMGIT is a professional engineering college in Bangalore. And all the students in this particular college, like all other engineering colleges are all above the age of, say 18. Adults. OMGIT has always been a little overboard and crazy with rules. And fines. And rules about fines! No collarless tee shirts, no capris, no long hair for boys, no cargo pants etc etc. Violation of any of these rules would result in the aforementioned fine. Eg. No ID card - 100/-. Loss of ID card - 500/-. Parking in faculty parking actually gives our security guards the right to deflate the car's tyre. No really, I'm not kidding!!
Oh, I forgot to mention, there are more security guards in college than students. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating just a littlre, but definitely more than teachers! and they're each equipped with these really annoying whistles which they use to chase us around the place. Bunking class - *whistle*, standing on the drive - *whistle*, no ID card - *whistle*, you get my drift. You don't?? *WHISTLE*
Oh also, to frisk girls in order to check for mobile phones, OMGIT employed female security guards. NO, I'M NOT LYING!!
Anyways, getting to the crux of this post.. I don't know why I was surprised when I actually heard of this article. The article is reproduced below.
Small thinking exercise. Multiply the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen or read about by, hmmm, lets say, ten thousand, and you get this.
*what rubbish, nothing can be as bad as Lallu Prasad Yadav, or even Pramod Mutalik for that matter*
Read on.
*for reasons (mainly, my own education), I shall not mention the name of the college in mention*
Actually lets have some fun and call it, OMGIT -Oh my God - Institute of Tech.
A brief introduction.
Recently, in a famous Bangalore newspaper, there was a news article about OMGIT. I study in OMGIT. OMGIT is a professional engineering college in Bangalore. And all the students in this particular college, like all other engineering colleges are all above the age of, say 18. Adults. OMGIT has always been a little overboard and crazy with rules. And fines. And rules about fines! No collarless tee shirts, no capris, no long hair for boys, no cargo pants etc etc. Violation of any of these rules would result in the aforementioned fine. Eg. No ID card - 100/-. Loss of ID card - 500/-. Parking in faculty parking actually gives our security guards the right to deflate the car's tyre. No really, I'm not kidding!!
Oh, I forgot to mention, there are more security guards in college than students. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating just a littlre, but definitely more than teachers! and they're each equipped with these really annoying whistles which they use to chase us around the place. Bunking class - *whistle*, standing on the drive - *whistle*, no ID card - *whistle*, you get my drift. You don't?? *WHISTLE*
Oh also, to frisk girls in order to check for mobile phones, OMGIT employed female security guards. NO, I'M NOT LYING!!
Anyways, getting to the crux of this post.. I don't know why I was surprised when I actually heard of this article. The article is reproduced below.
Red cards for erring students
A reputed city college seems to have taken the analogy of the ‘rules of the game’ a tad too seriously. OMGIT has come out with ‘infraction slips’ a la hockey’s green, yellow and red cards, and students in the ‘red’ category face suspension and a black mark on their certificates.
For a minor offence on the hockey field, you get a green card as a warning. If you commit a major infraction, you are shown a yellow card. And if you go ballistic and are guilty of a major offence, a red card and suspension from the game are inevitable.
Now, this ‘hockey’ rule has made its debut in a leading engineering college of the city. The difference is that instead of cards, the college issues an infraction slip that comes in minor (hockey’s ‘green’), major (‘yellow’) and severe (‘red’) categories. A student who gets a ‘severe’ infraction slip faces certain suspension.
The initiative by OMGIT, a first among engineering colleges, applies to the college campus as well as its hostels. ‘Severe-slipped’ students not only face suspension, their marks cards, degree certificates and transfer certificates are also liable to be stamped with the legend — ‘Disciplined for bad conduct’.
NO QUESTIONS ASKED
As with match referees, the college’s lecturers and hostel wardens will have suo motu powers to hand out infraction slips to errant students at a moment’s notice. Explaining the disciplinary process, OMGIT principal Dr I-Definitely-Have-Something-Up-My-Ass said, “Depending on the magnitude of the offence, action will be taken. For example, if a student does not sport his identity card, which is mandatory, he will get a ‘minor’ slip. If he continues with the violation, his offence will be stepped up to ‘major’ and then ‘severe’. Obviously, cases of students vandalising furniture or lighting crackers inside the classroom will be classified right away as ‘severe’.”
The college guidelines list 22 different types of misdemeanours which students will have to watch out for, including 'styly’ (sic) beards, fancy moustaches and a ‘punk’ appearance!
Elaborating on the process, Dr Up-My-Ass said, “Obviously, we will not suspend a student after the first slip as it is just a warning. The second slip is a serious warning and the third one will mean suspension. The number of days the student remains suspended depends on his behaviour and can range from two days to a week.” Justifying the college management’s move, he said it was necessary to raise the standards of the institution.
BLACK MARK
The slips will be in triplicate. One copy will be handed over to the student, the second to THE parents and the third will be kept in the relevant college department with details entered against the student’s name in the code of conduct register. The rules and regulations are available for reference in the library, departments and website of the college.
Once a student is suspended, a disciplinary committee will review his/her behaviour. The student will have the right of appeal against his suspension. In extreme cases, the committee can withhold the marks card and certificates of the student.
List of violations.
1. Classroom /pathway/ corridor disruption.
2. Collarless T-shirts / Cargo pants/ flimsy dress/ styly (sic) beard / fancy moustache / punk appearance / sleeveless tops / low-waist pants / any other indecent dress / non-wearing of ID card.
3. Inappropriate outside classroom behaviour.
4. Late arrival to class/lab and college activities.
5. Failure to return required signed forms.
6. Verbal/written/physical abuse aimed towards other students/staff.
7. Damage/misuse/stealing of tools, equipment or material.
8. Argumentative, defiance of responsibility (sic).
9. Possession of firearms, fireworks or weapons.
10. Possession, consumption or distribution of alcoholic drinks, addictive/objectionable drugs or smoking.
11. Threatening/intimidation/actual acts of violence and attacks.
12. Any kind of immoral activity.
13. Unfair means/malpractices/ proxy/impersonation in attendance/tests/exams.
14. Irregular attendance in class, labs, workshops.
15. Misuse of mobile phones, laptops and other gadgets.
16. Ragging of any form, or and off campus.
17. Behaviour which brings the college into disrepute.
18. Extortion, inducement to part money (sic) for inappropriate or false means.
19. Spreading harmful rumours
20. Fraud, deceit, deception or dishonesty.
21. Breach of any college/hostel regulation or code of conduct.
22. Any other (to be detailed by the faculty).
I am currently violating many of these aforementioned rules. You can do so too, by posting a comment, about the sorry state of affairs at OMGIT.
Lets all pray that Dr. Up-My-Ass grows some brains. ASAP. *silent prayer*
Amen.
For a minor offence on the hockey field, you get a green card as a warning. If you commit a major infraction, you are shown a yellow card. And if you go ballistic and are guilty of a major offence, a red card and suspension from the game are inevitable.
Now, this ‘hockey’ rule has made its debut in a leading engineering college of the city. The difference is that instead of cards, the college issues an infraction slip that comes in minor (hockey’s ‘green’), major (‘yellow’) and severe (‘red’) categories. A student who gets a ‘severe’ infraction slip faces certain suspension.
The initiative by OMGIT, a first among engineering colleges, applies to the college campus as well as its hostels. ‘Severe-slipped’ students not only face suspension, their marks cards, degree certificates and transfer certificates are also liable to be stamped with the legend — ‘Disciplined for bad conduct’.
NO QUESTIONS ASKED
As with match referees, the college’s lecturers and hostel wardens will have suo motu powers to hand out infraction slips to errant students at a moment’s notice. Explaining the disciplinary process, OMGIT principal Dr I-Definitely-Have-Something-Up-My-Ass said, “Depending on the magnitude of the offence, action will be taken. For example, if a student does not sport his identity card, which is mandatory, he will get a ‘minor’ slip. If he continues with the violation, his offence will be stepped up to ‘major’ and then ‘severe’. Obviously, cases of students vandalising furniture or lighting crackers inside the classroom will be classified right away as ‘severe’.”
The college guidelines list 22 different types of misdemeanours which students will have to watch out for, including 'styly’ (sic) beards, fancy moustaches and a ‘punk’ appearance!
Elaborating on the process, Dr Up-My-Ass said, “Obviously, we will not suspend a student after the first slip as it is just a warning. The second slip is a serious warning and the third one will mean suspension. The number of days the student remains suspended depends on his behaviour and can range from two days to a week.” Justifying the college management’s move, he said it was necessary to raise the standards of the institution.
BLACK MARK
The slips will be in triplicate. One copy will be handed over to the student, the second to THE parents and the third will be kept in the relevant college department with details entered against the student’s name in the code of conduct register. The rules and regulations are available for reference in the library, departments and website of the college.
Once a student is suspended, a disciplinary committee will review his/her behaviour. The student will have the right of appeal against his suspension. In extreme cases, the committee can withhold the marks card and certificates of the student.
List of violations.
1. Classroom /pathway/ corridor disruption.
2. Collarless T-shirts / Cargo pants/ flimsy dress/ styly (sic) beard / fancy moustache / punk appearance / sleeveless tops / low-waist pants / any other indecent dress / non-wearing of ID card.
3. Inappropriate outside classroom behaviour.
4. Late arrival to class/lab and college activities.
5. Failure to return required signed forms.
6. Verbal/written/physical abuse aimed towards other students/staff.
7. Damage/misuse/stealing of tools, equipment or material.
8. Argumentative, defiance of responsibility (sic).
9. Possession of firearms, fireworks or weapons.
10. Possession, consumption or distribution of alcoholic drinks, addictive/objectionable drugs or smoking.
11. Threatening/intimidation/actual acts of violence and attacks.
12. Any kind of immoral activity.
13. Unfair means/malpractices/ proxy/impersonation in attendance/tests/exams.
14. Irregular attendance in class, labs, workshops.
15. Misuse of mobile phones, laptops and other gadgets.
16. Ragging of any form, or and off campus.
17. Behaviour which brings the college into disrepute.
18. Extortion, inducement to part money (sic) for inappropriate or false means.
19. Spreading harmful rumours
20. Fraud, deceit, deception or dishonesty.
21. Breach of any college/hostel regulation or code of conduct.
22. Any other (to be detailed by the faculty).
I am currently violating many of these aforementioned rules. You can do so too, by posting a comment, about the sorry state of affairs at OMGIT.
Lets all pray that Dr. Up-My-Ass grows some brains. ASAP. *silent prayer*
Amen.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Why alcohol, when you have air, and S!!
So let me tell you all the story of my awesome day..
Today was the first and last day of my internals, because, given that I'm awesome, I had to give just one paper this time. I did AWESOMELY, thank you for asking! If I don't get a 25, I'm going to seriously sue.
I made a new friend today! Guess who? My HOD! We're now tight. No, seriously. We had a one hour long chat today, about general stuff, wherein she asked me if she was strict. And then we had another twenty minute conversation where I pointed out that she was 'rigid' and not strict. There was also lots of laughing at her, with her!! I came out, scared of myself.
Then I watched Dostana with my friends. Perplexed, you were right! It was awesome!! And Urvashi is awesome!! We actually danced to Desi Girl! What a kickass song!!!! Its still running in my head. P and V were very embarrassed to be seen with us. Wow! Abhishek Bachchan is normally an ass, but he's seriously outdone himself in the movie! And Priyanka Chopra is good too. John Abraham cant really act, but he's done a decent job in the movie. The emotional scenes are a little dragging, but the movie is really good! Its totally nonsensical and total timepass. You come out feeling super good about yourself!! And wanting to dance!
I went to Corner House. This is what the title is all about. You know how people get high on alcohol, and do and say absolute crap! Crap that can totally be used to embarrass them!? Well something like that happened. Minus the booze.
But before you read ahead, let me warn you about something. I have a gift. I can make the funniest thing sound supremely unfunny. And what happened was really really funny!
There, I said it. Don't say I didn't warn you! So 'S' went crazy today!! Now, she has no idea I'm taking this online! She had Cake Fudge at corner house. Just that. And she totally lost it. Completely. She was throwing glasses of water on her boyfriend for absolutely no reason! And she did a 'dhak dhak' like step to indicate CPR. Then there was her talking about white 'chaddies'! OK, I'm going to stop, I'm ruining it already!
Anyway, here's some advice.
1. Watch Dostana.
2.Don't ever watch movies in Vision Cinemas.
3. Screw alcohol, drink chocolate sauce instead.
4. Make friends with your HOD!
Adios!:)
Oh, oh and thanks A for the ice cream!!
*Ik lakh lakh pardesi girl, aint nobody liiike my desi girl*
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